Sunday, 18 May 2014

Life | Blog Name & Agoraphobia

If you haven't noticed by now, I've officially changed my blog name from 'Curiouser and Curiouser' to 'Crazyblondegal'. I'm really happy I've made the change and now it fits in with the URL so no confusion there anymore! I've also vamped the blog design up a little, so I hope you like the improvements while I continue tweaking a few bits here and there.

I was planning to do a beauty post today but since I've started talking about life, I may as well continue. Since completing my first year at University I've had a ridiculous amount of time on my hands to do whatever I like, but to be honest, I haven't really been up to much. I spend most of my time, okay all of my time, hidden away in my room even on a gorgeous day like today. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to be outside tanning my pasty legs while sipping on a drink, but I just can't. I won't. My room is my safe haven and sometimes I don't leave the bedroom for weeks at a time. Whenever I do happen to go out it feels like everybody is staring at me and it makes me so anxious, I've often had to back away from a situation due to what felt was like a panic attack. I don't do people, I don't do phone calls, I don't do outside. I often joke about being a hermit, because what else am I supposed to say? Some of my flatmates don't see me for weeks at a time.

I was supposed to go swimming this week but I just kept putting it off every day. It's the thought of arriving and everybody staring, even though they're probably not, it always feels like they are. I think because I've kept myself so cooped up indoors I've neglected my body by eating too much junk food and not exercising, so this puts me off wanting to go out in public too. I'm very self-conscious of my body and I'll always opt to wear something baggy rather than a tight fitting piece of clothing.

It dawned on me yesterday while I was talking to some blogging friends online who were outside enjoying the sun, that actually I want to be able to do the same. I decided to write this because some days I don't want to talk about it, but some days I do. Today was the latter and I want to be able to improve it somehow. I only ever see the sun through my window, but I'm hoping I can change that soon. Slowly other students are finishing University and leaving accommodation meaning there will less people around. I'm staying until the end of June as that's when my contract ends, but as they'll be less people around I might be able to get out more. It's a plan at least.

I also need to figure out how I can lose a bit of weight healthily, but since I'm indoors all the time it makes that a little bit harder. The thought of going outside is always worse than it actually is, but even though I know this, I still avoid it! Once I'm out it usually takes a while for me to warm up and stop being so rigid and anxious, but I'm always glad when I get back to that flat all the same.

I want to overcome this barrier because I've declined meeting up with people for long enough, and sadly I've lost touch with many friends due to it. As much as I do love spending my whole day on Facebook and Twitter, I need to get out there!


And although I'm not at all happy with my figure at the moment, I'm glad to have my flatmates around to put a smile on my face! Let's face it, can't you see that we're all model material? ;)



If you enjoy reading my blog and would like to see me up for a Cosmopolitan Blog Award, you can nominate me for Best New Beauty Blog & Next's Best Newcomer here. I'll send virtual pizza to everyone who nominates!

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6 comments

  1. The way you described your feelings about going outside pretty much sums up how I feel about it. I feel like I'm missing out on life but I can't help it. I hope you feel better soon and that you're able to overcome it, you deserve to be happy :)

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    1. Thank-you that's very kind of you, and so do you! :) It felt good to write down my thoughts!

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  2. thank you for sharing this with us! I cannot say I understand the feeling of not wanting to go outside, but I have some pretty nasty body-image issues as well. In time I realized that surrounding yourself with friends who love you and don't judge you for your physique really helps with getting to wear a bikini (coming from Italy it was a torture step for me every year). I really hope you overcome these feelings because honestly you are a gorgeous girl and the world deserves a bit of you out there :)
    a big hug
    Alice

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    1. For one, I am -super- jealous you're from Italy! And I hope I do too because I've missed out on several opportunities now, and thank-you that's so kind of you :)

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  3. Thank you for sharing this! I have never thought about what it must be like inside an agoraphobic world, and I hope you find the courage to begin to venture out soon!
    Fitness wise, I have begun doing YouTube fitness videos. I'm very unfit and very skint so a gym membership is out of the question for me! I highly recommend Fitness Blender, they have some amazing beginner workouts and stretching videos and they always make me feel really happy afterwards.
    Rachel x
    The Inelegant Wench

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    1. It's not the most thrilling at times I must say, and I am looking just to be my happy self again :) I'll definitely take a look on Youtube for those videos, thank-you!

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